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Our school is a beautiful school. It has a good reputation. Most of the students have good manners.But a few students have some bad behavior. For example, I often see rubbish thrown about in the lake or on the grass or around the trash can. It must have been thrown by students. Also, some students like to draw pictures or write something on desks, walls or other public places. Besides, some boys are easy to get angry. When having arguments with others, they are most likely to begin to fight. And the bad behavior has a bad effect on the reputation of our school.
In my opinion, we must take some measures. On the one hand, the school should punish those who have bad behavior stictly. On another hand, the teachers should teach the students what are good manners and what are bad manners.
Lets make our efforts to make our school better. (153字)
点评 该习作得分19分,属于给分的较高档次。
总的说来,习作要点齐全,字数适中,表达较通畅。特别是注意了句与句之间以及段落之间的衔接。使用了But,Also, Besides等连接成分,以及In my opinion, we must take some measures.等过渡句。结尾句Lets make our efforts to make our school better.简洁有力。较好地体现了英文语篇的结构特点。
但是, 文中bad 一词使用频率较高,出现了5次,缺少变化。比如:可以交替使用bad behavior/improper behavior/uncivilized behavior,也可以用misbehave,behave improperly,badlybehaved等不同词性及词形表达相同的意思。再比如:bad effect 可以换成ill effect/side effect/negative effect,或者将has a bad effect on变化为do harm to/is harmful for/damage/destroy等。这样便能体现出语言的丰富性。
此外,on another hand表达失误,应为on the other hand。而且第一段中的“It must have been thrown by students.”有画蛇添足之嫌。
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