that most of them will hardly think it necessary to learn from them or overcome the bad habits.In a word, the school should help students improve their images by a better way.
点评: 本文得分为16分(满分为25分)。
本文基本能按对比式作文的写法去写。开放部分亦能比较清楚地表达自己的看法。一些短语的使用,如pay attention to, approve of, in a word, instead of等也给文章增添了色彩。
不足之处:(1) 文章中动词时态的使用有些混乱,谈论观点时的基本时态应为一般现在时。(2) 因为用词不当,文章中的有些意思表述不清,如文中的therefore 应改用however。(3) 有些表达有“中式英语”的影子,如:Someone 应改为some students;between students 应该改为among students。(4) 语言功底较差,文中有多处搭配的介词用错,如:on my opinion应改为in my opinion; be known by应改为be known to; by a better way应改为in a better way。
学生习作二:
Recently my school has chosen a boy and a girl to be its image ambassadors and hopes that others can learn from the two model students.I don’t like the way my school encourages the students. In my opinion, every student has his own characters and this is the very meaning of his existence. I don’t think choosing image ambassadors can develop students’ abilities. Instead, I believe thateverybody should be what he is instead of following others. However, choosing image ambassadors suggests that the chosen boy and girl are the models. They are examples that school sets up to encourage other students. It may cause the other students lose confidence. They may think themselves not as excellent as the two ambassadors. Worse still, some students may pay too much attention to their appearance. I think everyone is his own hero and don’t need to follow others. Above all, what I want to say is “To be what you are.”
点评:本文得分为12分(满分为25分)。
文章从语言方面看,表达清楚,语意连贯,通过使用in my opinion, however, but in fact, above all, worse still等短语使文章上下流畅。但是本文的致命缺陷在于审题错误,本应该写成对比式的作文,结果写成了一家之言。文章通篇为一段,层次不清,且缺少信息点。故得分较低。
3. 范文点评
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